A New Normal

As you’ve probably noticed, my posts have been very few and far between – I’ve been a tad bit busy. Before I had a baby, I observed my best friend Michelle run on no sleep and keep a schedule of constantly hectic days. Being the childless naive friend that I was, I once asked her (very nicely) “how does one baby make you so busy, tell me what all you have to do in one day…” I was genuinely interested as we were beginning to think about bringing a little one into the world and I wanted to know what I was getting myself into. She just said “Callie, I don’t even know where to begin to tell you everything that goes into it but I will tell you that it is the best and hardest thing you’ll ever do.” I couldn’t have said it better myself and I found an article that sums it up impeccably:

TELL ME ABOUT IT ®

(Nick Galifianakis for The Washington Post

By Carolyn Hax
Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Carolyn:

Best friend has child. Her: exhausted, busy, no time for self, no time for me, etc. Me (no kids): Wow. Sorry. What'd you do today? Her: Park, play group . . .

Okay. I've done Internet searches, I've talked to parents. I don't get it. What do stay-at-home moms do all day? Please no lists of library, grocery store, dry cleaners . . . I do all those things, too, and I don't do them EVERY DAY. I guess what I'm asking is: What is a typical day and why don't moms have time for a call or e-mail? I work and am away from home nine hours a day (plus a few late work events) and I manage to get it all done. I'm feeling like the kid is an excuse to relax and enjoy -- not a bad thing at all -- but if so, why won't my friend tell me the truth? Is this a peeing contest ("My life is so much harder than yours")? What's the deal? I've got friends with and without kids and all us child-free folks get the same story and have the same questions.


Tacoma, Wash.

Relax and enjoy. You're funny.

Or you're lying about having friends with kids.

Or you're taking them at their word that they actually have kids, because you haven't personally been in the same room with them.

Internet searches?

I keep wavering between giving you a straight answer and giving my forehead some keyboard. To claim you want to understand, while in the same breath implying that the only logical conclusions are that your mom-friends are either lying or competing with you, is disingenuous indeed.


So, since it's validation you seem to want, the real answer is what you get. In list form. When you have young kids, your typical day is: constant attention, from getting them out of bed, fed, clean, dressed; to keeping them out of harm's way; to answering their coos, cries, questions; to having two arms and carrying one kid, one set of car keys, and supplies for even the quickest trips, including the latest-to-be-declared-essential piece of molded plastic gear; to keeping them from unshelving books at the library; to enforcing rest times; to staying one step ahead of them lest they get too hungry, tired or bored, any one of which produces the kind of checkout-line screaming that gets the checkout line shaking its head.

It's needing 45 minutes to do what takes others 15.

It's constant vigilance, constant touch, constant use of your voice, constant relegation of your needs to the second tier.

It's constant scrutiny and second-guessing from family and friends, well-meaning and otherwise. It's resisting constant temptation to seek short-term relief at everyone's long-term expense.

It's doing all this while concurrently teaching virtually everything -- language, manners, safety, resourcefulness, discipline, curiosity, creativity. Empathy. Everything.

It's also a choice, yes. And a joy. But if you spent all day, every day, with this brand of joy, and then, when you got your first 10 minutes to yourself, wanted to be alone with your thoughts instead of calling a good friend, a good friend wouldn't judge you, complain about you to mutual friends, or marvel how much more productively she uses her time. Either make a sincere effort to understand or keep your snit to yourself.

Write to Tell Me About It, Style, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, ortellme@washpost.com.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/22/AR2007052201554.html

Which brings me to my main point—babies create a new normal in your life and by that I mean a year ago, normal to me would be a great day at work: the market rallies and the Dow closes over 10,000, bringing in new assets under management, opening new client accounts, tax harvesting gains and losses in client’s portfolios, come home, fix dinner or go to dinner and be in bed by 10pm= SUCCESS. Now my new normal is: it’s five o’clock in the afternoon and I’m still in my yoga pants and tank top, baby throw up in my hair, no makeup and all I’ve had to eat are stale cookies someone brought me a few days ago. However, Rob is clean, fed, happy, healthy and oh so peacefully sleeping in his little lamby swing and all I can think about is seeing him in an hour or two waking up with that little gummy smile on his face that I’ve come to live for. Rusty is somewhat clean, fed and peacefully sleeping and I have a few minutes to myself to start laundry, wash dishes and throw something together for dinner, if I’m lucky I will get to take a shower and try to look halfway presentable before my husband gets home = SUCCESS! Now that Rob is almost 7 weeks old, things are much less hectic and we’ve settled into a great routine but it is still constant work and constantly rewarding. I always say I can’t tell if I’m deliriously tired or deliriously happy! As crazy as it sounds, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Now, that’s not to say that I won’t go back to work; I love what I do, I love my degree and I’m good at it. It’s part of who I am and what makes me me; but as for right now I am absolutely loving my new normal.